Energy

This weekend I went to an art show of Alex Gray's. He's an unusual guy but I found his art work to be inspiring. It reminded me of things that I've lost touch with. Ideas and feelings. Things that I find myself looking for on a daily basis. Well not so much looking for them, but wanting to have the appreciation and understanding for them, but as I write this I feel like it's more of letting go of those things that interfere with that lifestyle.

The basic elements are a life where I am in tune with my internal feelings, and energies. Where my outward self is a reflection on my inner self. Because right now they are not in sync. I could talk about why all day long, but it doesn't really matter why, the choice to change it is there.

What's particularly interesting about this, at least for me, is that I've been down this road before. That this was actually a conscious decision I made, that I am now trying to undo. I even remember the conversation I had with myself, and the fallout that soon followed. How a feeling of being in touch with the world, people, and life in general slowly faded away. Things like syncronicity, path recognition, were the first to go. The good part is that I am in the best place possible for me to start this journey again. I have very few commitments. I have a host of new people that I'm surrounded by so expectations are only what I make them. I work full time and money does exist so I need not worry about survival needs. I am in the right place emotionally to make this change. I'm at a point where I know this is not the life I want, but do know what the life I want looks like, remember what it feels like, and I know the mistakes I made last time and have learned from them.

The best compass I have is my mood. I can tell from a mood shift that I have somehow missed my way, that I'm taking steps in the wrong direction, and for that I am thankful, but need to maintain cognisance.