finally....

I finally confronted my roommate about his cleanliness challengedness. I tried to do this several months ago, but found myself confronted by him completely ignoring me, to the point where I said, "And you're ignoring me." I tried to approach it from the "we" should setup a cleaning schedule, we need to be better about cleaning up. This time I just tried to go straight at the issue. I was able to say what I wanted. But I don't feel much better. My nerves are completely shot. I'm shaking my heart is racing, basically I'm a mess and having a complete fight or flight reaction to the situation.

It's Sunday night and him and a friend usually practice before they go over to open mic night, and they usually cook dinner. But when he cooks dinner they is usually a huge mess left in the kitchen. The last meal left cheese and a shitload of bread crumbs all over the counter, but this was on top of the mounds of batter mix that were still on the counter from the previous meal. Though what really frustrates me is that these messes never get cleaned up! They will stay there for two weeks. Which they usually do since I have refused to clean up his mess since August. This leaves me with two decisions. I can either clean it for him, or confront him about cleaning it and hope he does. Since you've read this far you know that talking to him about his failure to clean up after himself resulted in nothing positive. Tonight came and with it another dinner. I said to him, "Can you guys just be sure you've cleaned up your mess when you're done. I'm not the maid, and I've felt like it for the past couple of months. The food all over the counters, and stove top." He replied that I leave food on the stove all the time. Which I agree I have left food on the stove top, I am by no means perfect. So I said, "Well I can show you what I mean." And gestured for him to follow me. I showed him where I had moved the cutting board yesterday and found a large mound of unused tempura batter that had gotten wet and congealed into a long forgotten method of forming concrete. Also the spots on the stove and the countertop. The meat stains on the counter from the foreman grill. And the previous location of the cheeses that decorated the counter top.

That was about the end of it. It isn't the actual dialogue that I find to be a challenge. It's more the reaction. I would like (ideally) for someone to go into an actual dialogue in these moments. A, "Oh yes I have been bad about leaving food on the counter, sorry about that. But I would like to point out that you have also done that." To which I would like to reply, "Yeah you're right. I guess we can both make more of an effort to keep these place clean. At least we don't have roaches yet, "At which time we'd both laugh and realize the silliness in the anticipation of an impending conflict, as it was something so simple to deal with. But it is what it is, and I will continue to fight for the communication of people everywhere!