Now for the "fake" (refer to the end of the next entry). Being in this family is dismal. You look forward to holidays like you look forward to your own funeral. Or perhaps to some virus that finds you incapacitated and hospitalized, though these may warrant more rewards.

The family is all about presentation. Say you are at a great chef's house. He has prepared this wonderful meal. It is brought out to a table. All the guests gather around to marvel at this wonderful presentation. A young child from the back asks, "When can we eat." The chef responds, "Eat, oh silly child the food is not for eating. It is art." The child overcome with confusion of what seems to him obvious foolishness says, "You cook food, you make it look wonderful, but we can't eat it." "No, young child only when you are older will you see that though something may look good, what it is on the inside is barely reflected on the outside. WHat you see before represents the most beautiful spread of food that your life may ever present to you, but were you to take a taste you would find it quite reproachable. For the food is no more food than christmas is a religious holiday."

The child was quite taken a back by this statement. For Christmas he understands is not so much a religious journey, but for food that looks like food, that makes his mouth water in the way the food always has, to be distasteful even in the slightest was quite a difficult notion to accept.