Well the holidays are almost over. And with it begins the personal holiday cycle. It starts with me on the tenth of January... going to be 25. It's kinda scary. THis is not where i thought i would be. If i had been asked as a child where i thought i would be at 25, i would have said: In love, working, have travelled to many places. The only goal I really hav accomplished is travelling, but thats not quite to the extent i would like. more later company~~~

~Later~

I have been scaring myself lately. I have been doing things that are very reminiscient of my parents. It's something that is entirely not acceptable as a presence in my life. I don't even like my parents being involved in my life, never mind allowing myself to deal with things in the same way they do. But it's not so much the behavior that scares as it is they way i feel. That i even have the urge to hurt another being! That i can react based on emotion in split second without the action being rooted in how i feel in the long term! THAT FUCKING SCARES ME! It isn't me. All this time i thought i had vanquished those demosn by going to counseling for two years! I didn't put myself through emotional hell to have it all thrown away over a handful of bad friggin friends. To digress to a point i promised myself i'd never go just because i am lonely!!! It scares me and i don't know what to do about it.