Ok, it's the New Year. Happy New Year. My aunt passed away last week. Well my Great Aunt actually, my godmother Joan. She was walking to work when she was struck by a plow... She was taken off life support three days later. It was a very sad time. But sometimes from sad times come good things. Going through this experience opened my eyes. It made me see how I have been acting lately in a new light. It removed all the emotion that i had been caring around, all the hurt, fear, and anger. It made me see that i have been seriously lokcing myself up. I have been trying to protect myself from being hurt. Now i thought i was passed the time of this. I did this regularly when i was younger. BUt i thought i had worked through it.... I guess not.

When my friends started to do what i interpreted as distancing themselves from me, i panicked. I did not want to be "dumped." So i did not what any person with a big ego would do, I dumped them. I am realizing now that this has been my habit of doing things for some time now. It's unfortunate. I can't imagine how many opposrtunities or relationships i may have passed up out of my fear of being hurt. I need to stop this. I need to change!